Is Polyamory the New Monogamy? Polytalks Invites a Space for Open Discussion
A curious outsider's perspective: Hosted at The Beehive Pub in Tottenham, the event’s warm ambiance encouraged stimulating and insightful conversations about the concept of ethical non-monogamy.
Polyamory can be defined as a form of ethical, or consensual, non-monogamy that involves having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners at the same time.
Slightly late, I arrived at The Beehive to be greeted by a fellow attendee! Causing a minor disturbance to the atmosphere (apologetically) I joined the conversation where the word “ownership” was the point of discussion. For some, the word related to cohabitating in relationships; how living together and sharing the same space impacts the meaning of possessions and the value of individual “ownership”. Others rejected the concept of ownership, regarding it as restrictive and limiting of freedom; this view I agree with.
For me, the word “ownership” does not even sound attractive, the three-syllable noun takes effort to pronounce, separately positioning your mouth to sound every individual letter in “OW-NER-SHIP" (clearly, I have a strong dislike against the word). The historical context of the word was passionately expressed, raising how the concept of ownership detrimentally affected millions during the colonial period.
The representations of people at the event were refreshing, the ability to listen to such diverse opinions ranging from people’s professions, interests, ages, gender and race. It truly was a welcoming environment that inspired creative discourse while covering relatable topics.
The conversation delved into topics such as jealousy in polyamorous relationships, the comparison between Shakespeare’s Othello and the “green-eyed monster” sparked thought of jealousy being a powerful and oftentimes destructive emotion that possess one's actions. Some openly expressed how jealousy can become a challenge to overcome in polyamorous relationships, and how it can cause an “emotional drift” if not effectively resolved through an open communication.
A keyword learnt during the discussion about jealousy was the word ‘compersion’, which describes the experience of feeling joy or euphoria from witnessing your partner’s happiness and excitement about someone they’re seeing. It reminds me of feeling empathy, or having a deep sense of connection and understanding of one’s emotional state, which I find quite profound and rather interesting!
Karl Holliland, the founder of PolyTalks enlightened me about a book club that hosts discussions about various books about polyamory, such as the book currently being read now: “Polywise” by Jessica Fern.
As an amateur to the topic of polyamory, by the end of the session I gathered that polyamorous relationships practice ethical non-monogamy, ethical in describing consensual relations with multiple partners, consisting of honesty and open communication. Overall, many attendees, including myself, left with a wider understanding about the depth of polyamory, what consists of the practice and opening/challenging our perception of the meaning of relationships, and of course we all were excited about the next event!
Reflective of my understanding, the session taught me the individual freedom and room for self-discovery that polyamorous relationships can offer. Compared to the traditional monogamous practice, polyamory suggests an alternative perspective to what we believe limits our love or attraction to one person. The prefix ‘poly’ originating from Ancient Greek translates to ‘many’ or ‘more than one’ which illuminates the possibility of opening dimensions in relationships and not limiting your potential to a singular individual.
“I am beginning to understand a new way to love. To love more. To love all” ~ Attendee of Polytalks
The quote expressed by an attendee of the session, left her feeling optimistic and rather joyous about learning and becoming more immersed in conversations about polyamory in later sessions.
According to a YouGov survey, the number of people who identify as being, or having been, in a polyamorous relationship, whilst relatively small, is demonstrating an increase – up from 2% in 2015 to 7% in 2019 – with 23% of UK adults self-reporting as being open to non-monogamy in the same survey.
Prompted with the question of what his aim was of forming a community that endorses open discussions about polyamory through PolyTalks, Karl’s response provided an insightful commentary of what motivated him to pursue his idea:
“For me, PolyTalks is about recognising the different ways in which people can feel close to one another, I wanted to create a space whereby people are provided with time and space to reflect on what is important to them in a relationship, while feeling supported and understood in doing so”
So, the question remains, is polyamory the new monogamy? As the increase in curiosity continues to flourish, polyamory may become more common than you think, and perhaps it may encourage more passages of thought. If attending a Polytalks event is of your interest, book your ticket for the next session!